Summerness

Its been more than a month sincie have uploaded anything on here.

Ive been so preoccupied with everything else in my life right now

Summer classes and what not...

Summer classes suck so bad.. i have never wanted a time in my life to pass by more quickly...

I'll be entering into the last week of it.. three tests this week...

I need to find a place to stay.. i have to move outta here by the 2nd, but cant move into Sterling untill the 13th or 14th....

I dont know .. its like i have plenty to say but im just too lazy to type it..
i guess ill start and when i get tired ill stop...

Been taking alot of pictures, i love photography/lomograhy so much its.. unhealthy.. i literally dont know what i would do without it...

They were holding americas next top model open casting calls in raleigh NC.. my mother and i drove up there.. that was somethng fun to say i participated in..

I think im gonna start taking guitar lessons ive been teaching myself for over a year now... and think its time to get a real teacher.. i just gotta find some time...

ive been more busy this past month than ive ever been in my life...

this is how my day goes..

7am wake up
8am econ summer classes last 2 hours..
10am bio
1-6pm work
6-7 shit around
8-? study/homework...

its ridiculous....

i guess i dont need to bitch ... its what i chose to do, but its so unrealistic to think you can graduate college in four years and not ever attend summer classes.. i guess you could if you took like 18-20 hours a semester.. but who the fuck wants to take.. 6-7 classes all at one time..

Im starting to hate my job, i mean i love my job, i make more than the average college student and i dont really do alot...[sit in front of a computer]...

But my boss is starting to be a pain in my ass...

He superanalyzes everything i do and every single decision i make...
but what can u do.. maybe one day when im older ill be the boss of someone and be a dick to them.............. prolly not though..

whatever...i have to keep this job for another 10 months...untill the end of my sophomore year..

Dont think.. just cause ive been bustin my rump the past five weeks that i havnt been at the bar/club/party shakin my ass...and actin a fool.. cause you know i have...

Been trying to still have a good time pass these classes .. its a challenge..

Pat, Liz.. and Zach came into town for the weekend... so we all + terrence and vicarro.. all hit up the Nikel... but not after gettig 42 oz margaritas.. at El Sombrero.. and then going back to the apt.. and takin a few [ i had 4] shots of Jagger... all i have to say is OH MY GOD... i was soooo freakin wasted it was ridiculous... im suprised im still alive.. right now...

I thew up outside of the Nikel.. in true Brittany like fashion lol....

And i've been procrastinating on studying since.. about 2.. its not 6:22 and i have yet to start .. i need to though im not trying to be up all night... i hate doin that shit [even though i do it all the time]

So i guess ill be getting off here so i can get to that...

Updates are fun :o)...
its wasnt as painful as i thought it would be.

[ps.. all the pics i ever post on here.. ive taken if not stated otherwise]

because i think i should....

First Fed5 pic(pembrooke)


I'm updating.. just cause i think i should.. its been awhile since my last post...

So i've started 'talking' to my exboyfriend again....

I told him i was trying out selebacy (sp?)... he said he was cool with that... we'll see... about that... horney boys what can you do with them..?

Is it wrong to want to be with someone you dont really love.(or see yourself loving). just becasue your lonely and they fill that position...untill what you really want comes along??

I feel like im taking advantage of him... he likes me for me.. and apologises all the time for all the crap he put me through... and he wants nothing more.. than to win me back.. by trying his hardest to be the best guy he can be...

although.. i have seen the best guy he can be.. and i dont really see myself being with him...for forever... there are just too many things...that he does that i cant stand...

But hes.. soo cute.. (<--my shallow moment)... and he loves me.. and gives me all the attention that a girl could ever want... and i want that...

Just.. not from him....... but im lonely.... so ..... i let him.... i go along with.. it.. and i learn to put up with things.. i dont really like......

Could this slowly turn into something.. and by me spending so much time with him.. and playing that role.. (as his girlfriend).. could i fall in love with him........? honestly i doubt it....

I wish i would though.. then i wouldnt feel so bad about stealing his heart..... and not giving him mine in return...

I am losing myself

My life is so crazy right now.. mentally... i feel like i losing myself.. and everyday.. i have to fight..

I dont know what im fighting or who...
People say things to me.. that make me question my life and what kind of person i am.... i have to fight to keep myself from beating myself up....

The things that people say shouldnt make me feel so horrible about myself.. they make me wanna quit... quit school quit my job... and pack up and just go home...

BUT I CANT... I CANT BE A QUITTER...

but it hurts to much to stay here,,, i dont know ho wlong i can fight... myself.... ..

I just want things i get better.. i wish i knew how to make them better..........

I love who i am.. and i love my life....
I just need to get outta this rut.....
Periods like this make me hate who i am and hate my life........ and life is too short to feel like this........

Love my XA2....
The Depressed French Consumptive Whore Name Generator: i am Brigitte Denstabsentes

I got all the film i bought on ebay today(curious to what kind of results the scotch chrome produces hmm).. and the scanner..its so much better than the one at work..

Went to Caras party to meet Bobby her long distance boyfriend.. hes a cutie..
somehow we all ended up at the bowling alley... i havnt bowled in several years... it was so much fun... we all sucked.. i got like a 79.. and Brandy scored somewhere around a 56...
tons of funny pics taken...

I am going to hell.

.

I try to do things right ... most of the time... to ensure.. that i dont go to hell... like not use the Lords name in vain... and.....praying and what not..

But after what i did today.... out of natural.. instinct... i am sure.. i am going... to hell...

I was driving... past campus.. and there was a guy on the sideway going along his merry way in his electric wheelchair... he hit a bump in the sidewalk.. and his chair tipped over.. and he fell out onto the ground... and he is just laying there...

What did i do?

without even second thought... i pulled into the next road... not so i could turn around and help him.. but to watch him... and see how he was going to manage getting back into his chair by himself

I AM AWFUL!!!!

Good thing there are good people in the world.. because like 2 cars behind me stopped to help him.. and two afternoon joggers... ran over to see if he was ok....

WHAT KIND OF A PERSON AM I....?!?!?!.... this upsets me...

Because the notion of helping him never even popped into my head....

i need to go re evaluate my life... or something lol....

Voyeur series Part I

So a couple of cameras came into the pawn shop (where i work).. and inteh camera bags i found three rolls of film that had already been shot, but the people forgot to get them developed. So i did what any normal lomographer would have done. I put the film in my Olympus XA2 and shot over it again.. here what i found

Two more rolls to go....









the rolled turned out ot be some kindergarten holloween party.....
I kinda feel like i stole someones memories.....
eh... whatever... more fun for me :o)

First post

I debated for about a week whether or not i wanted to start a blog... i guess we all know what my final decision was.....

Not like i need anything else to make me spend more time starring at this Monitor of mine. But i guess i just couldnt help myself. I used to keep a livejournal. But after i moved away (from Columbus) to attend college (Georgia Southern University).. ...it was kinda like a community that linked all my friends together... but since i formed a new group of friends... who knew nothing about livejournal.... it kinda seemd pointless to keep it up.

I guess i feel like it represents my old life.. pre college.... but whatever

Its summer.. and ive completed my first year of college, it went by so fast.... so many new experiences in such a short time, i feel bad for anyone who never had the opportunity to attend college........
Its not all sunshine and gumballs.... it has its moments when all i wanna do.. is run to the tallest building on campus and jump off....but. im glad to have my wonderful friends to keep me from committing such... said acts....

Living in a college town(statesboro,Ga)... is quite an experience in itself.... 20,000 people in a small ass town and 16,000 are college students.... its great..

...Kinda slow.. that the school years over.... wish i could leave and be about as i wish... but its so hard to find a job in this town, that im not even gonna risk quitting....

Anyhow... this introduction seems sufficent enough.... i am offf.....