I am losing myself

My life is so crazy right now.. mentally... i feel like i losing myself.. and everyday.. i have to fight..

I dont know what im fighting or who...
People say things to me.. that make me question my life and what kind of person i am.... i have to fight to keep myself from beating myself up....

The things that people say shouldnt make me feel so horrible about myself.. they make me wanna quit... quit school quit my job... and pack up and just go home...

BUT I CANT... I CANT BE A QUITTER...

but it hurts to much to stay here,,, i dont know ho wlong i can fight... myself.... ..

I just want things i get better.. i wish i knew how to make them better..........

I love who i am.. and i love my life....
I just need to get outta this rut.....
Periods like this make me hate who i am and hate my life........ and life is too short to feel like this........

Love my XA2....
The Depressed French Consumptive Whore Name Generator: i am Brigitte Denstabsentes

I got all the film i bought on ebay today(curious to what kind of results the scotch chrome produces hmm).. and the scanner..its so much better than the one at work..

Went to Caras party to meet Bobby her long distance boyfriend.. hes a cutie..
somehow we all ended up at the bowling alley... i havnt bowled in several years... it was so much fun... we all sucked.. i got like a 79.. and Brandy scored somewhere around a 56...
tons of funny pics taken...

I am going to hell.

.

I try to do things right ... most of the time... to ensure.. that i dont go to hell... like not use the Lords name in vain... and.....praying and what not..

But after what i did today.... out of natural.. instinct... i am sure.. i am going... to hell...

I was driving... past campus.. and there was a guy on the sideway going along his merry way in his electric wheelchair... he hit a bump in the sidewalk.. and his chair tipped over.. and he fell out onto the ground... and he is just laying there...

What did i do?

without even second thought... i pulled into the next road... not so i could turn around and help him.. but to watch him... and see how he was going to manage getting back into his chair by himself

I AM AWFUL!!!!

Good thing there are good people in the world.. because like 2 cars behind me stopped to help him.. and two afternoon joggers... ran over to see if he was ok....

WHAT KIND OF A PERSON AM I....?!?!?!.... this upsets me...

Because the notion of helping him never even popped into my head....

i need to go re evaluate my life... or something lol....

Voyeur series Part I

So a couple of cameras came into the pawn shop (where i work).. and inteh camera bags i found three rolls of film that had already been shot, but the people forgot to get them developed. So i did what any normal lomographer would have done. I put the film in my Olympus XA2 and shot over it again.. here what i found

Two more rolls to go....









the rolled turned out ot be some kindergarten holloween party.....
I kinda feel like i stole someones memories.....
eh... whatever... more fun for me :o)

First post

I debated for about a week whether or not i wanted to start a blog... i guess we all know what my final decision was.....

Not like i need anything else to make me spend more time starring at this Monitor of mine. But i guess i just couldnt help myself. I used to keep a livejournal. But after i moved away (from Columbus) to attend college (Georgia Southern University).. ...it was kinda like a community that linked all my friends together... but since i formed a new group of friends... who knew nothing about livejournal.... it kinda seemd pointless to keep it up.

I guess i feel like it represents my old life.. pre college.... but whatever

Its summer.. and ive completed my first year of college, it went by so fast.... so many new experiences in such a short time, i feel bad for anyone who never had the opportunity to attend college........
Its not all sunshine and gumballs.... it has its moments when all i wanna do.. is run to the tallest building on campus and jump off....but. im glad to have my wonderful friends to keep me from committing such... said acts....

Living in a college town(statesboro,Ga)... is quite an experience in itself.... 20,000 people in a small ass town and 16,000 are college students.... its great..

...Kinda slow.. that the school years over.... wish i could leave and be about as i wish... but its so hard to find a job in this town, that im not even gonna risk quitting....

Anyhow... this introduction seems sufficent enough.... i am offf.....